Publication
ICE CREAM SHE EVEN ASKED ‘ DO YOU WANT CRUSHED NUTS WITH THAT?’
A CANNIBAL wife murdered her hubby – then minced his body and made it into a hellish ICE CREAM! Deranged Wilma Forsyth offered the chilled treat to neighbours as they sweated in 90- degree heatwave temperatures. She’s now been arrested for murder and...
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ENGLAND STARS GET TO SWIM WITH JEDWARD EVERY TIME THEY WIN
THOMAS Tuchel hasn’t just picked the best footie players for England’s World Cup 2026 bid. He has also selected the best motivators in the business – Jedward. The German coach is taking the Irish pop stars to the US with the Three Lions squad to give...
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ANDY BURNHAM SEX DWARF STOLE MY FIESTA
WANNABE PM Andy Burnham is being warned a dwarf doppelganger who dresses up as him is ruining his chances of ever being elected. Greg Martins says Burnham’s tiny lookalike, ‘ Randy Burnham’, stole his Ford Fiesta and is a terror in the town where the...
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GREGGS PASTY BUS SEX PERVERT BANNED FROM MASTERCHEF
A WANNABE cook found himself kicked off the set of MasterChef when it was discovered he had a criminal record for interfering sexually with hot baked goods. Hugh Shankey, 37, was ditched from the reality show when producers discovered he was once...
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STARMER LLAMA STOLE POOR ORPHANS’ SAUSAGES
A PETTING farm llama that looks just like Keir Starmer is facing being put down after it stole sausages from hungry orphans – and scoffed the lot. The tragic animal – named Keir by his carers – has until noon this Wednesday before he is killed over...
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BUILDER MARRIES HIS LAWNMOWER
TERRY Williams wants the world to know he is in love – with his LAWNMOWER. And the 49- year- old is so committed to the green machine he calls Mo, he’s tied the knot with her. The builder, from Biddulph, Staffs, said: “I asked her to marry me after...
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ADRIAN CHILES SEX DOLL STOLE MY HUSBAND
WHEN Shelley Marshall’s hubby Rick demanded a threesome with her and his Adrian Chiles sex doll, she issued him an ultimatum. “It’s me or the doll,” she said, and the sheet metal worker chose the rubber toy. Now the 40- year- old woman from Leeds has...
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I GOT A TRAITORS CLAUDIA HAIR-DO AND NOW THE L ADIES LOVE ME !
UNLUCKY- IN- LOVE jobless labourer Kevin Forster is finally a hit with the ladies – after he got a Claudia Winkleman hair transplant. And it’s lesbian fans of the Traitors host who are going wild for 59- year- old Kev’s new locks. Kevin gasped: “The...
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I CHEATED ON HUBBY …SO HE HAD SEX WITH OUR CHICKEN DINNER
COLIN Venton took revenge when he found out his wife had cheated on him with his own brother – by having sex with a cooked chicken. He says he was so overcome with anger that he had no choice but to bonk the recently roasted bird, causing his former...
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KINKY CHURCH ORGANIST IS SECRET VICE GIRL
A CHURCH organist who was given the boot after being outed as a kinky dominatrix is now suing the vicar who fired her. Sara Harris, 52, had been playing along to hymns at St John the Evangelist Baptist Church for nine months when she was handed her...
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BUS STOP PERVERT CAUGHT WITH 37 SNAILS IN HIS UNDIES
COPS arresting a drunk after he caused a kerfuffle at a bus stop found he had 37 SNAILS in his underpants. Terry Williams, of Crewe, Cheshire, said he was keeping the gastropods warm after collecting them around the town. He’s now facing drunk and...
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SUNDAY SPORT EXCLUSIVE
THE tragic death of a Gordon Ramsay dwarf lookalike is being reinvestigated after his name appeared in the Epstein files. Cops believe Percy Foster, who was found partially eaten in a badger sett, may have been killed by a nefarious bunch of...
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SORRY, LOVE, I RAN OVER YOUR CAT
Because the 50- year- old ran over his date’s pet cat when he went to pick her up in his car before their romantic evening out. The council worker, from Crewe in Cheshire, had been over the moon when work colleague Heather Phillips, 47, finally agreed...
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RANDY MANDY VICAR DOES FUNERAL IN HIS Y-FRONTS
A VICAR has landed in hot water after conducting a beloved granny’s funeral wearing Peter Mandelson- style undies. The Rev Hugh Longton has been suspended from clerical duties and banned from his church – St Jude’s in Splint, Cumbria – after the...
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POSH SPICE BLOKE SIGNS FOR CELEBRITY TRAITORS
BBC bosses are set to shock Celebrity Traitors viewers by having a male Posh Spice impersonator on the next series. But those who know Alan Marshall, 61, from Crewe, Cheshire, warn that he is a vile monster – and once took a dump in a tradesman’s...
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U-TURN STARMER DWARF’S GIANT POO BLOCKED OUR U-BEND
A DWARF Keir Starmer lookalike is being evicted from his home after blocking his loo with a MASSIVE post- breakfast PLOP. Leakage from Terry Matthews’ lavvy caused £ 2,000- worth of damage to the flat in Northwich, Cheshire – and now the landlord...
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